I’m reading this morning and something hit me.
Beneath the subtlety of religion (which is a system of performance) is the lie that I’m not really broken, that secretly I’m okay. And that if I just learn the right thing, know the right material, read the right book, do the right thing, or pray a certain way that I will be okay. Nobody will notice my indiscretions. And the very nature of the lie is to convince me that it is true, and because I’ve believed it I hold out hope that the lie is actually true. The search for those things leads me down the spiral to captivity, yet to admit the truth is to let go, which I don’t want to do because then I will have to admit I am broken.
Just thinking out loud.
I think that is me too. I seek knowledge to enhance my faith, but the knowledge leads me to rely on knowledge not faith. The question is - can that become a cycle of growth and not a downward spiral?